Two things crossed off my bucket list. #1 The Singapore Zoo and #2 Dubai. They are not ranked by awesomeness, but by the order in which I saw them. So, that’s the order I’ll tell you about them. First, the zoo.
Last weekend I was feeling mopey. Just laying around on Sunday wishing I was in Chicago watching football, drinking Bloody Mary’s and eating Lou Malnatis. Then, a friend reminded me that I was being stupid and persuaded me to stop boohooing around and to go outside and enjoy life in Singapore. So, I did. And this is where the awesome pictures of the Singapore Zoo begin.
My first encounter, literally 5 seconds within entering, was this guy. He ran past my feet and hopped up on this fence for a photo op. Cages are for suckers. This guy was just another tourist. I wonder if they charged him to come for the day and watch the humans? 
Not a bad start to the Zoo. I mean, I guess it could of been if he would’ve jumped on my back and ripped my face off or something else horrible that I was trying really hard not imagine as I took his photo. But thankfully, Buttface didn’t hurt me. (I gave him that name because his face looks like an ass, right?)
Ok, on to the White Lions. They were my favorite. I mean, look at these amazing, beautiful animals. We were so close, I felt like they could jump over and eat me at any moment. In fact, everything in this zoo felt like that. So, when I got home I Googled “Singaporean Zoo Accidents” and immediately wish I hadn’t. No news about the animals escaping or anything. But I found a pretty brutal video of these very lions mauling an idiot zoo worker who hopped into their enclosure. Don’t watch it.
I was able to catch a live feeding where the trainer stood amongst us and threw dead chickens into the enclosure. Amazing to see them jump in the air to catch the food in their mouths. 
After the lions, I headed to see the baboons. There were hundreds of them and their behavior reminded me so much of some men I’ve dated 🙂 I could’ve sat there and watched for hours. But, it smelled way to much like 300 hundred baboons were living there.
After the baboons I saw a bunch of your typical zoo animals, giraffes, zebra, rhinos, you know the ones. They were all in cages and didn’t look much like me or any human I knew, so I moved quickly through and headed toward the orangutans while singing Carly Simon’s “You’re so Vain”.
Did I say the lions were my favorite? I take it back. These guys played the bells for me and let me be a part of their family photo. AND, look at that baby! So adorable. Plus, none of them wanted to eat my face either. Thank you, orangutans.
My last stop was the pandas. I have a special place in my heart for these guys because all 3 of us became Singapore residents on the same day. I read all about them in the newspaper on my flight over. My arrival didn’t get quite as much media attention. But I think you can see why they got the spotlight.
You have to pay 5 bucks more to see these two for 15 minutes. Which basically means there were lots of tourists acting like animals, pushing and shouting in attempt to breathe in lucky panda farts. It was sad. So was this guy, the Red Panda (or sometimes known as the lesser panda). I think he knew no one was there to see him. Pour guy.
On the walk out of the zoo there were more free-range monkeys. I called this guy Michael Jackson because of his white gloves. He’d probably appreciate that name more than Buttface.
That concludes my trip to the Singaporean Zoo. I’d say it’s totally worth a trip across the world to see. Plus, I’m here too. I’ll tell you about Dubai tmrw. It’s 2:00 am and Santa left some gifts for me at the post office that I need to get by 8:30 am.
Good night.
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